The Four Pillars of Habit Building Series: Pillar No 4!

Good Morning Everyone,

I hope your Monday morning has been manic-free so far. I don't know about you but I was less than happy this morning when my partner kicked me out of bed as he left for work at 5.30am!

Things brings me onto the subject of our final pillar of habit building, Accountability. If you have been reading through this little mini-series so far then you know that  I have been posting about what I learned from the 4 Pillars of Habit Building that happiness queen, Gretchen Rubin,  identifies in her book: Better Than Before. If you've missed the other posts then you can find them all on the homepage. While they don't need to be read in order, one pillar will not keep a habit (or anything else) standing so I do recommend you check out all four and put them into practice together.

Right then. Accountability. I can hear the groans coming in already. Why is it, I wonder, that we are often so reluctant to tell others we are making a positive change to our lifestyle? My theory is that we have been conditioned to fear criticism and failure, when in fact both our powerful motivational tools. I will give you an example. I have been trying to implement a 5.30 wake up time for a few weeks now and while I still stay in bed too long until about 6am before rising, having my partner get up at 5.30 helps enormously. If he didn't agree to make an effort to wake me like I asked, I would continue to ignore my alarms until 6 or maybe even 6.30 and then wouldn't rise until 6.30 or 7am.

While I think it will take me a while before I naturally become a dawnbird, without this accountability I would have given up long ago, instead I am making progress. Each morning my partner wakes me I go to bed earlier and get closer to my goal.

You don't have to use a person for accountability, though they are in my opinion the most effective as we don't like to tell other people we haven't met their expectations. You could use an app, a diary or something else that fits with your habit.

However, if you do choose a person to hold you accountable, make sure you pick the right person. They need to be self-aware, supportive and compassionate and not make you feel bad on days you have slips. For example, if you are trying to lose weight, having someone close to you demand to know what you ate each day and whether or not you've been to the gym is not only going to not help you or make you feel good about yourself in any sense, it is also a quick path to obsessive and toxic interactions which nobody should have to deal with.

Make sure that whoever or whatever you choose to hold yourself accountable can do it without putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself. We all have slip days, even Gwyneth Paltrow admits to eating chocolate when she is stressed! Forgive yourself, be your own best friend and then try again.

The other thing I found with accountability is that it keeps expectations realistic, this is why people on diets are advised not to weigh themselves everyday but only once a week. If we are our only accountable to ourselves it is easy not only to create endless excuses but also to have unrealistic expectations and give up when they are not reached. Having a person or piece of technology to motivate you and create an identifiable streak of progression is much more likely to help you succeed in whatever it is you want to change.

And that brings us to the end of the Four Pillars of Habits, I hope you enjoyed reading this mini-series as much as I enjoyed writing it. To recap, habit formation succeeds when we have the right Foundation, are consistent in Monitering ourselves, create aids to our brains through Scheduling and have Accountability. 

Let me know in the comments if you found this series useful. I love to hear about your experiences and requests for future posts.

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and productive week and I will see you soon.