The Four Pillars of Habit Building Series: Pillar No 4!

Good Morning Everyone,

I hope your Monday morning has been manic-free so far. I don't know about you but I was less than happy this morning when my partner kicked me out of bed as he left for work at 5.30am!

Things brings me onto the subject of our final pillar of habit building, Accountability. If you have been reading through this little mini-series so far then you know that  I have been posting about what I learned from the 4 Pillars of Habit Building that happiness queen, Gretchen Rubin,  identifies in her book: Better Than Before. If you've missed the other posts then you can find them all on the homepage. While they don't need to be read in order, one pillar will not keep a habit (or anything else) standing so I do recommend you check out all four and put them into practice together.

Right then. Accountability. I can hear the groans coming in already. Why is it, I wonder, that we are often so reluctant to tell others we are making a positive change to our lifestyle? My theory is that we have been conditioned to fear criticism and failure, when in fact both our powerful motivational tools. I will give you an example. I have been trying to implement a 5.30 wake up time for a few weeks now and while I still stay in bed too long until about 6am before rising, having my partner get up at 5.30 helps enormously. If he didn't agree to make an effort to wake me like I asked, I would continue to ignore my alarms until 6 or maybe even 6.30 and then wouldn't rise until 6.30 or 7am.

While I think it will take me a while before I naturally become a dawnbird, without this accountability I would have given up long ago, instead I am making progress. Each morning my partner wakes me I go to bed earlier and get closer to my goal.

You don't have to use a person for accountability, though they are in my opinion the most effective as we don't like to tell other people we haven't met their expectations. You could use an app, a diary or something else that fits with your habit.

However, if you do choose a person to hold you accountable, make sure you pick the right person. They need to be self-aware, supportive and compassionate and not make you feel bad on days you have slips. For example, if you are trying to lose weight, having someone close to you demand to know what you ate each day and whether or not you've been to the gym is not only going to not help you or make you feel good about yourself in any sense, it is also a quick path to obsessive and toxic interactions which nobody should have to deal with.

Make sure that whoever or whatever you choose to hold yourself accountable can do it without putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself. We all have slip days, even Gwyneth Paltrow admits to eating chocolate when she is stressed! Forgive yourself, be your own best friend and then try again.

The other thing I found with accountability is that it keeps expectations realistic, this is why people on diets are advised not to weigh themselves everyday but only once a week. If we are our only accountable to ourselves it is easy not only to create endless excuses but also to have unrealistic expectations and give up when they are not reached. Having a person or piece of technology to motivate you and create an identifiable streak of progression is much more likely to help you succeed in whatever it is you want to change.

And that brings us to the end of the Four Pillars of Habits, I hope you enjoyed reading this mini-series as much as I enjoyed writing it. To recap, habit formation succeeds when we have the right Foundation, are consistent in Monitering ourselves, create aids to our brains through Scheduling and have Accountability. 

Let me know in the comments if you found this series useful. I love to hear about your experiences and requests for future posts.

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and productive week and I will see you soon.

The Four Pillars Of Habit Building Series: Pillar No 3: Scheduling

Happy Saturday Everyone,

I hope you're enjoying your weekend! As promised today's post is all about the third pillar of Habit Building: Scheduling. In case you haven't been following the series so far, you can find the previous two posts on my home page, but they do not necessarily need to be read in order. 

So, scheduling. We give it a few different names done we?  We can call it being organised, planning or effective time-management but either way it sounds pretty dreary and boring doesn't it? 

It might surprise you that until a few months ago I thought only frazzled executives and little old ladies carried planners around and scheduled everything in. This is partly to do with the fact that I had never thought of it as anything more than a memory-aid for forgetful people. Well as Gretchen Rubin has now taught me, it can be much, much more. Scheduling doesn't just help us to remember what it is that we have to do, it helps get it done. 

Now I don't want to waste precious post space explaining the process of scheduling because it is pretty self-explanatory. But what I will do is tell how and why I was so surprised to find that this was my biggest game-changer of all the pillars. 

I had never been an organised person (seriously, ask my mother, my teachers, even my best friend would not have vouched for being organised before this year). My brain was a master at procrastinating. For example, I would put the washing on, then think I deserved to sit down for a tea break, soon, I would be reading something and not want to stop. The result? The washing never made it to the dryer and had to be washed all over again! 

Does any of this sound familiar? I think most of us have probably had days like this before where we bounce from one thing to the next and end up frazzled wondering why we haven't completed the tasks we wanted to get done. 

So how does scheduling help? Well, first things first, the brain loves to go off on tangents, it's this huge, wonderful, creative, tangled web that will go in a thousand different directions if we let it. By scheduling in the habit we want to change, we not only set an intention to complete it, we also provide structure. Have you ever noticed how most people will complete a list of tasks much quicker if someone gives them to us in order, instead of leaving us to spend time wondering which we should do first?

To make something a habit, we don't want to spend time thinking about doing it. We want to drill it in to our day until it becomes a part of our subconscious. Let's say you have a non-vital medication, such as a multi-vitamin, that you know you should be taking but are not great at remembering to do it. Or maybe you talk yourself of going downstairs to do it once you're ready for bed because it seems like too much extra effort? 

If taking that medication was on your schedule, you would not only remember to take it but it would force you to look at how you could be better at actually making yourself take it. I call this removing the roadblocks. When we have a list of things to do it is natural to analyse the best way to group things together to get them done. For example, you may decide to keep your multi-vitamins by your toothbrush so that it removes the roadblock of going to extra effort to take them each morning and evening. 

Scheduling is a crucial pillar because it is the one that sets your habit building in motion by creating a concrete intention as well as leading to you looking for ways to remove roadblocks and make your life easier. 

I should also add that this Pillar is the one for which I found that the foundation (see post 1) was most necessary for being successful in. If you do not have a good foundation, then you are much less likely to be able to keep to any schedule you make.

You don't need to buy an expensive planner, though I myself have an addiction to pretty stationary, you can use the calendar app on your phone or good old fashioned pen and paper. Either way I highly recommend you grab your beverage of choice, sit down this weekend and make a schedule. In case your still on the fence, I have included a list below of the examples of scheduling I used and how the rolling effect that they have made me more effective. 

Scheduling Example: To do list, with top 3 priorities
Rolling Effect: Having a list to work down meant that I completed the tasks I finished and got things such as housework and errands done in much shorter amounts of time, leaving me with more of my day to focus on the things I enjoy.

Scheduling Example: Meal Planning
Rolling Effect: I spent less time at the supermarket as I was able to shop systematically without wondering what I fancied. I also saved money and ate much more healthily as I wasn't grabbing snacks in between meals or buying things that I didn't really want. 

Scheduling Example: Calender
Rolling Effect: By no longer relying on Facebook to remind me of events and birthdays I stopped finding myself running out last minute to get things I had forgotten about, I planned my washing so that I knew what I wanted to wear and made sure it was available whenever I had an event as well as leaving myself time to do things like paint my nails and give my hair a real blow dry. 

None of these are particularly life-changing for me but when you add them up the amount of stress and anxiety reduction that has come from doing these things. Plus, Scheduling is a sure-fire way to introduce Pillar no 2 that we talked about yesterday. If you have a schedule written down then that gives you an automatic way to monitor yourself when no one else is around.

Tomorrow I will be posting the final installment of the habit building series so keep an eye out for Pillar No 4. In the meantime let me know in the comments what types of scheduling you tried and how it improved things for you.

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you very soon.

The Four Pillars of Habit Building Series: Pillar No 2: Monitering

Morning Everyone!

Welcome to Day 2 of my 4 Pillars of Habit Building series where I discuss what I learned from "Better Than Before" by the fabulous Gretchen Ruben.  (If you missed Day 1 then don't worry all of the posts will remain live on the home page and don't necessarily need to be read in order).

Yesterday we talked about Pillar no 1: Foundation and how it is essential to achieving sustainable habit change. Today, I want to delve into the second pillar, Monitering.

This pillar is all based around the concept that we manage what we monitor (and no this has nothing to do with your computer screen, sorry babe!)

Monitering is an observational strategy for habit building and it is based on the same train of thought that introduced us to food diaries, time-logs and the pedometer. When we constantly track what we are doing we are more likely to continue because we can easily see our changes and progress. 

Let's take the pedometer example. A pedometer measures how many steps you take in a day with the most common goal being 10,000. If, lets say, the first day you put it on you realize you are only achieving 8,000, steps this will make you more motivated to increase your steps the next day. Monitering is not only excellent for progress tracking and therefore motivation but it also lets us track plateaus so we know when to get off our a**es and shake things up. 

This is also the same concept that drives goal-setting theory. In order to achieve our goals we must make sure they are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely). By monitoring the habits we are trying to change we are invoking the core concept of measuring our goals. Furthermore this has a collateral effect, as measuring our progress helps to make sure our goals are timely and realistic, making us less likely to give up out of impatience. 

Monitering also develops self-awareness, studies show that many people did not realize most of their detrimental eating habits existed until they were told to diarise everything they put in their mouths. In turn, having self-awareness is critical to improving our self-control. As the age-old saying goes, the first step to solving a problem, is admitting you have one. This is also true for habits, if you are unable to be aware of and critically analyse a habit, the chances of you changing it are much slimmer.

Finally, monitoring allowed me to track the things that diminished my self-awareness and therefore my self control. For example, I realized that when I drank alcohol, I spent more money, lost more sleep and craved foods I didn't want.

So how can you monitor your habit changes? There are several apps that can do this for you as well as other technology, particularly if your goals are diet and exercise focused. You could also create a spreadsheet, or if you're old school like me, use good old-fashioned pen and paper!

Let me know what strategies work for you for keeping yourself in check in the comments, I'd love to hear them! Also, don't forget to check back tomorrow to find out how you can use Pillar No 3: Scheduling. 

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon!

The 4 Pillars of Habit Building Series: Pillar No 1

Morning beautiful people!

In this series I will be delving a bit deeper into the concepts of habit building. The fact is we all have habits we could change to improve our lives but many of us don't know how or where to start or what to do to help them stick. 

Well, the fabulous Gretchen Rubin has once again come to our rescue by showing us the four pillars of habit building. First things first, if you haven't heard of Gretchen and her books I recommend you pause reading this blog post right now, go find her books and follow her on everything. Why? Because her material is pretty much your Foundation Degree In Happiness and Habit Building. 

So, what are these pillars? Well through extensive research undertaken on both herself and others, Rubin has identified 4 areas that she calls "Pillars". Supposedly, mastering these areas has a positive rolling effect on other changes we may want to make in our lives. By developing these habits first, she writes, we will be much more effective in changing those smaller, niggling, habits that we have always wanted to banish. 

These four magical areas, she has termed "The Pillars Of Habits". 

Now, I always read this kind of material through a critical lens. Why do i do this? Well mostly, because everyone's body and brain are different and what may have worked for others may not work for you. But also because I believe in being skeptical of trends until you have tried them yourself. I never recommend anything that I haven't personally learned from, so this is exactly what I did. 

This summer was the perfect time for me to try out Rubin's pillars concept because I had just returned from a two-year travelling trip and was currently searching for work. Now, don't get me wrong, you can absolutely develop these habits whilst employed, but as someone with anxiety and who gets nervous about change, it was a positive for me not to have to worry about changes having a negative effect on my work.

It turned out these worries would have been completely unfounded because after practicing these habits every day (with a couple of special exceptions, nobody is perfect!) for 90 days, I have more energy, am more productive, feel more confident and satisfied in my ability to get things done and have MORE time to enjoy the things I love. 

So what are these magical life transforming areas? Keep reading. Also, in case you aren't aware, these things won't happen over night. Leading scientists and psychologists have identified that it takes our brains 30 days of consistent practice to change a habit long term. 

Today's post is all about implementing the first pillar which Rubin terms "Foundation":

What do we mean by foundation? Well according to Rubin, this encompasses four areas: sleep, eating and drinking, moving and de-cluttering. Setting your foundation is crucial to avoiding pit-falls later on so I have decided to explain each of these areas in more detail below:

- Sleep:  I know, I know you have probably heard this preached a million times before. There have been so many contradictory articles about how much sleep we need and in my opinion this is where everyone is different. I need a solid and consistent seven hours to feel energized, while my partner can happily survive on five hours sleep during the week and then makes up for it at weekends (I have no idea how he does this as most people find a consistent sleep habit to be much more beneficial). 

Despite our differences, we do live in a chronically sleep-deprived society. To achieve anything, we have to make some sacrifices, something humans aren't naturally good at (scientists have proven that our survival instincts make us innately selfish). 

We know that in order to wake up early, we will have to go to bed earlier. This is where most people fall down and to be honest with you, I did for a long time too. I had known for a few years that my sleep habits hadn't been great ever since I worked in a bar as a student. Especially if you are working full time or have kids, then these evenings may be the only time you get to yourself. Luckily, Rubin has identified why some of us find these 5am starts easier than others, and they are not compulsory, as long as you get the right amount of sleep. 

The idea of a "morning person" has been around for as long as I can remember but few of us have looked into this in terms of our habits. Rubin has identified two types of people, Larks and Owls. As you may have guessed, Owls are people that are most productive in the night hours, while larks are early risers and get their best work done in the first three-four hours that they're awake. Figuring out which hours of the day are most productive for you helps to make sure that your sleeping pattern is working for you. 

For example, if you are an owl, you may prefer to fall asleep at 11pm and rise at 7am, or, if you are a Lark (like me) you will probably find that forcing yourself to sleep at 9.30 so that you can rise at 5.30 and be productive in the morning, will leave you more energized for the rest of your day.

The reality is, sleep isn't the most exciting concept but once they begin to reap the benefits, most people become fiercely protective of their long slumbers. The fact is, while all of us would love to have more hours in the day, we need sleep!

Interestingly, Rubin also identified that the majority of chronically under-slept people had no idea they weren't getting enough sleep. Here are a few signs you might not be getting the amount you need. 

- Can you fall asleep anywhere, e.g. in cars, on daytime flights, or while you are waiting for something? If your brain can automatically slip into sleep mode like this, the chances are you aren't racking up your hours.

- Do you depend on highly caffeinated drinks like coffee and energy drinks to give you bursts? This is a clear sign that your brain is lagging in energy and would benefit from more sleep. Depending on artificial stimuli to drive your brain is not only unhealthy but unsustainable, like putting a plaster on a gaping wound.  

- You are HANGRY. One of the key reasons that sleep deprivation is more common in overweight or obese people is that sleep deprived people are far more likely to eat throughout the day. Why? Well, food is our body's fuel for energy. If the brain is feeling tired or low on energy, your body will crave not only more food but often foods high in sugar that will give you a quick boost but lead to long term weight gain.

- You're more impulsive or lacking in willpower - Ever heard the phrase "nothing good happens after 2am?". Exhausted people tend to not make good decisions and give in to temptation much more easily.

- Your memory and/or attention span is suffering? Getting enough sleep is essential for long term brain health and clears toxic molecules from your brain. This means that not getting enough can impair your nervous system. 

Assessing and transforming your sleep habits is one of the hardest yet best things you can do for yourself. Not only will it transform your health and productivity but without these adverse effects you will find it much easier to change other habits on your list. 

- Eating and Drinking: Another area where the media loves to contradict itself on what is good for us. However, there are certain things that we know our body needs in order to function well. Number one, most of us are not drinking nearly enough water, our bodies are made up of 75% water and if this is not replenished we end up dehydrated. Dehydration results in tiredness and lethargy, as well as headaches and other unpleasant effects. Despite knowing this, most people only drink when they are already thirsty. Instead of treating thirst we should be preventing it by drinking 2 liters of water a day. The easiest way to implement this is to get yourself a water bottle and keep it on you all day. You will be amazed. 

Secondly, while I hate the word diet, as it implies deprivation, which is a concept that I deem both ineffective and unhealthy, eating is still a crucial part of our lifestyle and the fuel that we put in our bodies matters. Imagine trying to run your car on fizzy drinks instead of petrol? Not only is this concept utterly ridiculous but it would most likely cause sever damage to your cars engine. 

Your brain is your bodies engine and your food is it's fuel, treat it right by eating a balanced diet that is high in proteins, good fats and fruit and vegetables and minimize refined carbohydrates and you will find your body is burning the right sources of energy, making your brain healthier, happier and more productive. 

- Moving. Exercise is my Achilles heel, I hate being sweaty, I don't have great stamina and I don't find deliberate exercise an enjoyable use of my time. However, since Rubin and pretty much every other wildly successful person has told us time and time again, exercise is critical for health and brain function. I still don't hold a gym membership or play sports but I have found simple (and some quirky) ways of making myself move more during the day.

- I go for lunchtime walks with my partner at weekends instead of driving to do simple errands. Not only does the focus of an errand give your walk a purpose but doing it with someone passes time, makes it enjoyable and it is an easy non-strenuous way to move more.

- I put music on and dance and sing whilst doing housework. Yes, I know this one sounds embarrassing but  it has really made a difference to me. Not only does the fast paced music speed up my chores and stop me taking tea breaks every five minutes, but by getting me moving faster and swishing my hips while hoovering or cleaning the kitchen, it gets my heart rate pumping and provides me with a gentle workout, while enabling me to conquer two birds (household chores and exercise) with one stone. 

- I banned lifts (or elevators if you're outside the UK). I make myself take the stairs. Not only is this often quicker as you bypass the queues of people waiting, climbing up one flight of stairs is an excellent resistance exercise that builds your stamina and wakes up your brain. 

- De-cluttering. 

I had to swallow my pride to admit this one as I was an extremely messy child and teenager and my parent's constantly tried to impress on me sayings like "tidy house, tidy mind". Naturally I thought it was all a trick to get me to clean my messy bedroom but as it turns out, mother does know best on this one!

If you have read my previous posts you will know that I recently adopted several aspects of minimalism into my life. Now I have my own house, I see how unnecessarily stressful mess is, and how it affects my mental clarity. Waking up to messy surroundings as opposed to clean and clear surroundings makes me irritable, gets me frazzled when I don't know where things are and wastes more of my time on things I don't enjoy. 

De-cluttering was one of the best things I did because the less clutter I own the easier and more effortless it is to maintain clean and comfortable surroundings as well as minimize the decisions you make in a day e.g. staring at a bursting wardrobe and feeling like you have nothing to wear because you are overloaded with options. I now have my favorite 5 work outfits which saves me so much time on weekday mornings (not to mention so much less laundry). 

As soon as I implemented this foundation of sleeping enough, eating and drinking better, moving more and decluttering I found it so much easier to say no to other habits I had been trying forever to avoid ,like snacking though the day, working in bed and not being as organised and energized as I wanted to be.

I'm still not perfect, I let myself slip back into Owl habits on the weekends so I can enjoy nights out with friends and lie in and I am still slightly addicted to anything chocolate and salted caramel. However when it comes to my concentration, motivation, productivity and overall satisfaction, the difference has been dramatic. My anxiety has reduced greatly, I feel more confident and effective at work because I get things done more efficiently and I am able to have my crucial me-time in the morning to sit down with a cup of tea and plan out my day in a relaxed way. 

These are things that six months ago seemed like distant daydreams. Create the right foundation and anything can happen.

Check in tomorrow to find out why "Monitering", the second pillar of habit building is so important. 

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon!

What Is a F**K Budget? + How Creating Yours Will Make You Happier and More Productive!

Good morning people!

Have you heard of a F**k budget? No? If you haven't then you must not have read the awesome "The Life-changing Magic of Not Giving a F**K" which is one of my all time favourite personal development books. 

One of the concepts I liked best from the book was that of the F**K budget. This is part of the "Not Sorry" method that Sarah Knight writes about and it is no ordinary budget. It is based on the concept that, being human, we only have a certain amount of f**ks to give before we reach burnout and become overwhelmed. 

Put simply, this is a concrete method of deciding what you will keep giving a f**k about (ie. what you will spend your time and energy on) and what is not important enough to drain your f**k budget. 

Plus, lets be real, the title is SASSY as hell! 

Knight believes that your f**ks should fall into four categories to make things easier to tackle: things, work, friends and family. 

A few examples of things I kept in my F**k budget were:

Family:
* Quality time with my partner once a week (without phones or technology)
* Meet-ups with the whole family at least once a month
* Getting our new home together sorted (a long-term project that's still in the works!)
Work:
* My professional development
* Forming good habits that keep me organised and productive. 
* Maintaining a good relationship with my colleagues.
* Developing my blog platform and learning how to be a better blogger/Youtuber. 
Friends:
* Keeping quality friendships going
* Taking an annual trip with my best girls.
Things:
* Looking after my health (for me this means eating healthily and going for regular walks)
* Saving money

Things I decided to eliminate from my f**k budget were:

Things:
* Negative opinions from others (ignore that sh*t, you don't need it in your life!)
* People pleasing ( for me this means saying yes to everyone else before my own needs are met)
* Comparing myself and my life to other people's (Just why torture ourselves when we don't have to?!)

Friends:
* Always being the instigator in one-way friendships and relationships
* Toxic friends who keep taking but don't give back
* Toxicity whether in person or on social media (That's what the block and unfollow buttons are for people!)

Family:

I am extremely fortunate to have an amazing family and support network, so I won't be giving any of them up!

Work:
* Taking on other colleagues work before I've finished my own and not getting credit just because "they asked so nicely"
* Stressing about things that are out of my control.


So there you have it! My life will definitely be far less anxious and stressful if I stick to this budget. I really believe everyone can benefit from sitting down and creating a f**k budget. All you need is a pen and paper or a smartphone and no excuses. The chances are there are things in you're life that you are doing because you feel like you have to, not because they're things you care about. 

Remember you can't take care of anyone if you can't take care of yourself first. 

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon!

The Single Thing My Teacher Told Me That Stuck With Me: WHY YOU SHOULD BE PROUD TO BE CALLED A GEEK

Hello again beautiful people. 

So this week I was talking to an old school friend who was lamenting about all the things that we don't get taught in school. This got me thinking back to when I was a secondary school student and the first thing that came to mind was an assembly that my headteacher led on tackling bullying. 

For me it seemed that the entire assembly was based around one thing that she said:

"Be nice to geeks, you will either become one, or end up working for one"

While the "geek" movement has started to become slightly more fashionable in recent years with technology taking over the World and shows like "The Big Bang Theory" being popular, the reality in schools is that the word still has negative connotations and is more often than not used as a way to put people down. 

If someone has a particular passion or interest, particular one that makes them different, they can be called an "insert field geek". When I was at school I often her terms like "art geek", "book geek", "band geek", "math geek", "science geek" and "computer geek" as well as people applying the general word to people they didn't like, didn't understand or didn't want to associate with. 

The saddest thing was that these terms were often applied to students who were particularly good at something and who loved to learn and get better. They had a focus for a particular interest that brought out a natural sparkle in them. But when this word was applied to them, it reinforced the idea that this thing that made them who they are was somehow undesirable or weird. As a result they hid their talents, they may have even quit. It dulled their sparkle.

As I think back to my school days, I remember several student's who would begin to talk enthusiastically about a certain subject, only to stop themselves midway and apologise for it. Looking back, this makes me angry. We know how crucial social support is to young people's development and confidence and by using this term we lesson that. 

The word geek has been used for years to describe someone who is usually considered different, an outsider or unpopular. It can make them feel that the thing they are passionate about is weird and that no one else will like them for it. Yet as we get older we see some of the most successful individuals are those that have kept their passions and enhanced what makes them different. 

We see a lot of young people who think they have no marketable skills or that do not know how to stand out. Many psychologists believe that the best way to start discovering our passions or purpose is to think back to what made us happy as children. This can often help us discover innate talents that we have long suppressed and forgotten. 

I'm a firm believer that we are all geeks about something, whether we have discovered it yet or not.  As you might have guessed I am a geek about all things to do with psychology and self-improvement. But what if I told you that I was also a humongous  Harry Potter geek and that I love to write Fan-Fiction and spend much of my time at local libraries because I like to read more books than I can afford. Some of you may think that's sad or weird or uninteresting but thats OK because these are the things that make me sparkle and add joy to my life.

The fact is that successful people know their geek-dom, they know what makes them tick and include it in their life in some way, either as a career or a hobby. 

For me, the message in this quote is clear. Don't ever feel like you have to dull down your intelligence or hide what makes you who you are in order to please others or conform to shallow ideas of what is mainstream or popular. Learn what ignites your sense of geek and be proud of it, not only will it make you more resilient and grow your confidence to not change yourself based on what other's think, but that thing you love might just be the thing that drives your happiness and makes you feel successful and fulfilled throughout your life. 

Hold on to your sense of geek, develop it and be proud of it, show off what makes you different, or the chances are you will end up working for someone who does. 

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon. 

15 Ted Talks Everyone Should Watch.

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to talk about one of the best free personal development resources out there: Ted Talks. 

A lot of people often say that they wish they could learn from the experts. Ted X Talks not only highlight to us who the real experts in our fields of interest are, they enable us to learn from their teachings and struggles and introduces us to new concepts that we may not otherwise have access to.

If you don't know what a Ted Talk is then you are missing out. The Ted X Convention is one of the biggest gatherings of inspiring professionals and motivational speakers in the world! The best part?All Ted Talks from the conventions are filmed and available for free on their YouTube channel!

Without further ado, here are my 30 top Ted Talks that I believe everyone should watch and learn from. 

1.  Dan Gilbert -"Why are we happy? Why Arent We Happy?"

The author of "Stumbling On Happiness" discusses the way our brain works and introduces the concept of our "psychological immune system"

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/top10

2.  Elizabeth Gilbert -"Your Exclusive Creative Genius"

"Eat, Pray, Love" author Elizabeth Gilbert discusses the impossible things we expect from the artists and geniuses in the world and shares her radical belief that there is a genius in all of us.It's a funny, personal inspiring and motivating talk.

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius/transcript?language=en

3. Dan Pink -"The Puzzle of Motivation"

Inspiring career analyst Dan Pink talks about the techniques that social scientists have discovered that most of us don't know. He tells a collection of illuminating stories that demonstrate that our traditional rewards system is not as effective as we think. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrkrvAUbU9Y&index=11&list=PL70DEC2B0568B5469

4. Brené Brown - "The Power of Vulnerability"

This talk on our ability as humans to empathise, love and belong is one that everyone needs to see. 

Brené Brown candidly shares the principles she has learned from a career dedicated to studying human connection and her personal quest to understand both herself and humanity. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o&index=10&list=PL70DEC2B0568B5469

5.  Patti Dobrowolski -"Draw Your Future"

Widely recommended as one of the best Ted Talks of all time, this is one that radically changed my views on what I wanted in my future.

 In this video Patti Dobrowski not only tells but actually shows you the practical steps to drawing out a plan for your future. The  nationally acclaimed comic performer, high-performance business consultant, speaker, strategic illustrator and new author has spent much of her time focused on neuroscience and studying how we can use the power of imagination and visual aids to drive change. She works with highly respected coaches and Fortune 500 companies to develop new and creative strategies that help them to capture and clarify their vision. 

6. Kristin Neff -"The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion"

Kristen Neff has devoted over ten years of her research career as an Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture to studying the mental health benefits of self-compassion. In this video she discusses the importance of being your own best friend and treating yourself with the same kindness and care that we provide to others. She also defines the difference between having self-esteem and having self-compassion and how this impacts our well-being. Furthermore she touches on the roots of several of today's issues concerning the self such as the increase in narcissism and bullying. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4&index=2&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

7. Johnathan Fields - "Turning Fear Into Fuel" 

Jonathan Fields is a former private equity attorney turned lifestyle-entrepreneur, blogger, marketer, speaker and author of Career Renegade: How to Make a Great Living Doing What You Love(Broadway 2009).

In this video he provides and excellent explanation and understanding of how fear and anxiety affects us and teaches us how to overcome the paralysis of fear and turn it into a fuel for taking action. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkFRwhJEOos&index=4&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

8. Eduardo Briceno -"The Power of Belief - Mindset and Success"

In this video Bricerno talks about how the way we view and rate our intelligence and skills can deeply impact on our success. It tackles important questions like why the majority of us avoid challenges and give up when things get hard and discusses learning orientated behaviours that can help us to achieve our goals. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN34FNbOKXc&index=6&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

9. Daniel Amen -"Change Your Brain, Change Your Life"

Daniel is an MD and one of the World's foremost experts on brain imaging and how our brains work. He is well known for tacking complex concepts in brain science and explaining them in a way that is accessible and easy to understand for the rest of us. He has written 42 articles and 28 books on how having an understanding of the brain can help us live a healthier and happier life and shares these revelations in his talk. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLKj1puoWCg&index=8&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

10. Scott Geller - "The Psychology of Self-Motivation"

Geller is a highly decorated psychologist who has published numerous articles on his research behind The Psychology of Motivation. In this talk he gives practical and accessible advice on how we too can become more self-motivated. 

11.  Dr Ivan Joseph - "The Skill of Self-Confidence" 

As an Athletic Director and Recruiter, Dr Joseph works with leading young athletes for whom self-confidence is a necessity. In this talk he discusses simple questions based on leading research into the concept of self-efficacy and how asking ourselves these questions can make us feel empowered and confident. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs&list=PLyh3ahjxzUJmzsAt-HhaWaYDUtH-SdFPG&index=6

12. Peter Sage - "Stop Waiting For Life To Happen"

Peter Sage is a leading success coach that helps companies all over the World and also served as the Chairman of the London YES Group (The largest personal development organisation In the World!) He shares his driving secrets behind successful entrepreneurship and how they can be applied to any aspect of our lives. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs&list=PLyh3ahjxzUJmzsAt-HhaWaYDUtH-SdFPG&index=6

13. Brian Little - "Who Are You Really? The Puzzle of Personality" 

Most psychologists like to talk about our personality traits as if they are set. In this video Brian Little explains why there is so much more to our personality than being an introvert or an extrovert. He also explains how our traits are far more malleable than we believe and introduces the concept of transcending our traits in order to achieve more. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYvXk_bqlBk


14. Robert Waldinger - "What Makes A Good Life: Lessons From The Longest Study Of Happiness"

Waldinger has conducted the longest ever study on human life and happiness spanning seventy-five years and multiple generations with the help of continuously passionate researchers. 
In this video he shares what each of his participants thought made them happy and how these changed over time as they continued to experience life. 
In his talk he shares the secrets on what makes us happiest and healthiest in our lives and the answers may surprise you. 

15. Caroline McHugh "The Art of Being Yourself"

In this talk McHugh gives insights on how we develop from children and generally lose our real selves as we become more self-conscious and look at ourselves through the lenses of mainstream society. She provides important insights into the psychological developments of our ego and how learning to be authentic can provide the much needed balance between those of us who have a superiority complex and feelings of inferiority. 


I hope you enjoy these talks and are able to take away the life lessons they give. 

The Kings of Personal Development that You Need To Follow Now!

Good morning beautiful people!

Yesterday I wrote a post on The Top Ten Personal Development Girl-Bosses That You Should Be Following. If you haven't seen it yet you can find it here. In the interest of gender fairness, today I have decided to honour my our male friends who are absolutely slaying the personal development space. 

All of these are blogs that I have personally read and learned a huge amount from. They are my objective opinions and are not sponsored in any way. 

1. Tony Robbins

While most of you have probably already heard of Tony (if you haven't then you should go to www.tonyrobbins.com immediately!), he still deserves to be included on this list. He has absolutely dominated the Personal Development space in recent years and for good reason. Most of his content is focused on developing business and financial freedom with multiple best-selling books such as "UNSHAKABLE: Your Financial Freedom Playbook" (2017), "MONEY: Master The Game: 7 Steps To Financial Freedom (2014) "Unleash The Power Within: The Complete Guide To Self-Empowerment (1999) and "Awaken The Giant Within: Take Control of Your Mental, Emotional and Financial Destiny (1991). He is also one of the most recognised thought leaders and LinkedIn Influencers and provides amazing free content on LinkedIn and on his site (see above link). If you want practical steps that are simple (but not easy!) to implement. Tony is your guy. 

2. James Altucher

Another man you may have heard of as he too is enjoying a reign as one of the top thought leaders and influencers in his field. James is all about reinventing yourself and is the author of the best-sellers "Choose Yourself: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live The Dream" (2013) and "The Power of NO: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance and Happiness" (2014) and "The Power of Ask: Ask for What You Want, Get What You Want" (2016), which he co-authored with his wife Claudia Azula Altucher. He as also turned a blog with 300,000+ visitors per month into a quirky and successful comic book series: "The Altucher Confidential: Ideas For A World Out of Balance". 

3. Tim Ferris

Tim is all about using self-development, heath and experimentation to achieve your goals and live a life of freedom.

 He is the creator of the best selling productivity book series "The Four Hour Work Week"(2007), "The Four Hour Body" (2010) and "The Four Hour Chef"(2012)as well as "Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines and Habits of Billionaires, Icons and World Class Performers" (2016). 

You will find his blog (https://tim.blog/) to be a fantastic resource on productivity and lifestyle design. 

He has also created his own hugely popular personal development podcast:"The Tim Ferris Show".

4. Leo Babauta

Leo is the creator of http://zenhabits.net. On his blog he shares tactical and strategic advice for living a

 simplified, mindful and productive life. He also shares his own inspiring story of how de-cluttering and changing

 his habits transformed his life and helped him find meaning. This led to him writing several successful books

 including: "The Power Of Less: 6 Essential Productivity Habits That Will Change Your Life" (2008) ,

 "Essential Zen Habits: Mastering The Art of Change" (2015)"The Simple Guide To a Minimalist Life" (2009)

 "The Effortless Life: A Concise Manual for Contentment, Mindfulness and Flow" (2012" and "The Little Guide

 To Unprocrastination" (2012). 

5. Ramit Sehi

Ramit is the creator of www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com and has created an entire movement based on knowing your 

worth and developing your earning potential. His website has several free downloadable guides that I myself have

found incredibly useful. The most staggering thing about Ramit? Despite being a global success, he gives away a 

staggering 90% of his content for free on his website and through his email list.

6. Steven Handel

Steven's blog: www.theemotionmachine.com/ continues to be one of my personal favourites. With much of his content 

based on proven psychology he provides amazing content on self-improvement. With popular articles such as "Do you 

need someone to call out your bullshit?" he has a refreshingly honest and authentic writing style that makes his articles

both incredibly useful and entertaining. You won't regret reading!

7. John Wesley

Co-author of www.pickthebrain.com , this site is all about growing yourself, finding the motivation to invoke positive habits 

and change and ultimately achieve your self-improvement goals. 

8. Joshua Becker

Becker has helped to create an entire movement with his site www.becomingminimalist.com. He provides regular,

high quality content on simplifying your life through minimalist habits and how it can make you happier and more 

productive. 

9. Mark Manson

Manson describes himself as an " Author, Thinker and Life Enthusiast". He has turned his blog

 https://markmanson.net/into a successful business and recently made waves all over the world with his most recent book: "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**ck!" which has been endorsed by hugely successful thought leaders and influencers such as Mel Robbins who gave an entire Ted X talk on what she learned from the powerful book.

10. Eric Barker

Finally Eric Barker, the creator of "Bakadesuyo" is a recently discovered favourite of mine. Ironically the name of his blog translates to "I am an idiot" in Japanese, but don't let that fool you. Eric is the author of the recently mega-successful personal development book "Barking Up The Wrong Tree: The Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success is (Mostly) Wrong" (2017). His blog provides science based articles on how to improve your life in every area from personal relationships to career advice. 

When some of the most influential people in the world were asked by Forbes what the most important habit to achieve success was, almost every single one of them said that it was to read a book (or a blog) everyday and never stop learning. Hopefully this list has given you some places to start. 

Let me know in the comments if you found this list helpful, or share your own favourite sites if they weren't listed.

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon!

The Top Ten Personal Development Girl-Boss's That You Should Be Following

There are so many personal development websites and blogs out there on the internet. So how do you know which ones are genuinely useful and worth your time?

Here my picks of the Top Ten Personal Development Queens that you should be following right now.

Disclaimer: None of these inclusions are sponsored in any way by the listed individuals. These are my own choices of people that I have found to provide excellent content and value.

1. Niyc Pidgeon

If you haven't heard of this absolute queen then you are in for a treat. With a Bachelors in Psychology,  a Learning and Teaching Certificate and MSc in Positive Psychology under her belt, there are few people more qualified  and inspiring than Niyc. 

Oh and Did I mention that she is a Global Success Coach and Hay House Author running and international seven-figure business coaching female entrepreneurs? And she achieved all of this before turning 30! She has an impressive following on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and provides some amazing free content on her site. You can find information on this as well as the launch of her upcoming book "Now Is Your Chance" on her website at www.niycpidgeon.com

2. Natalie Diver

Often described as "The Queen of Instagram" Natalie Diver has achieved an exceptional amount and is still only in her mid-twenties! She created the Health Business "Oh My Glow" straight out of University and has since built "BossBabe.Inc" and "The Boss Babe Academy" touted as the number one personal development resource for millennial women. While certain features such as the Facebook Support Group and some content are exclusive to paid subscribers, Natalie gives away a large amount of valuable free content through her email list, freebie offers and live streams. 

3. Arianna Huffington

Hopefully you have all heard of this amazing woman. She is somewhat of a force of nature in the business and personal development circles. She created the hugely successful Huffington Post and has recently devoted herself to  her incredible personal development mission: Thrive Global. The site has amazing free content to help you grow, check it out at https://www.thriveglobal.com/, also follow her on Twitter, LinkedIn, everything you can!

4. Mel Robbins

If Mel Robbins is not on your list then you are missing out. The American TV Presenter has appeared at Multiple TED X conventions and is a hugely successful life coach, motivational speaker and best-selling author in the Personal Development space. Follow her on Twitter and Linked in and read her incredibly original and insightful books: "The 5 Second Rule and "Stop Saying You're Fine"for some truly transforming lessons. 

5.  Lori Deschene

Lori is the creator of the hugely successful personal development site www.tinybuddah.com. While much of her content is based on the teachings of Buddhism she has managed to stay relevant to people from all walks of life and has an impressive and loyal following. Among the things she discusses on her site are Inspiration, Relationships, Life Lessons and Mindfulness. She is also the creator of the "Recreate Your Life" e-course. 

6. Penelope Trunk

Penelope Trunks is hugely popular author and blogger who is known for her brutally honest articles and unique writing style and voice. With articles such as "What could you learn from time-management by hating someone" she focuses mainly on the intersection of work and home life and provides some truly unique and entertaining insights. 

7. Danielle LaPorte

The author of The Fire Starter series and co-creator of "Your Big Beautiful Book Plan" is known for her sight full of inspirational quotes and self-discovery content. However she has a rare relatability in her writing voice despite being hugely successful. Her articles are honest, applicable, relevant and to the point. 

8. Erin Falconer

Erin Falconer runs the very successful personal development site ww.pickthebrain.com in conjunction with BoyBoss John Wesley. The site covers a huge variety of themes across the personal development genre but the most common are productivity, motivation, self-improvement, education and health. 

9. Therese Schwenkler 

By the time you have finished reading Schwenkler's articles you will probably feel like they were written by your best friend. Her site, theunlost.com. She is refreshingly honest and rebellious in her writing, with articles such as "Why is my crush such a douchebag?". She is particularly popular with millennials and focuses her site on dealing with "the suckiness of relationships" and finding a career you love. This is a woman who knows how to provide valuable content to her audience in an entertaining and refreshing way. 

10. Rebecca Fraser-Thrill

Last but not lease the last spot goes to the woman behind workingself.com. Like many of the woman in this list much of her content is focused on finding fulfilling work, however she also bases many of her articles on psychology. The result is an interesting blend of personal development and practical, actionable advice. 


Of course there are many other inspiring women who could have made this list and ten is not an extensive collection. However I have focused my picks on the content that I found to be the most positive, practical and authentically written. 

If you are a personal development blogger and would like to be featured on one of these posts then feel free to submit a sample of your writing or a link to your site to positivesparkles@gmail.com

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and positive week and I will see you soon!

The Crucial Difference Between Your Extrinsic and Intrinsic Value and Why It's So Important

Hello everyone. 

This post is about a concept that seriously changed not only the way I viewed the world but also myself. 

You may not have heard the words Extrinsic or Intrinsic before and thats fine, I hadn't either until recently. Both are terms often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (A form of psychological talking therapy) and Positive Psychology (also sometimes called the psychology of happiness or well-being psychology). 

So what does all this mean?

Well, I talk a lot about the importance of knowing your worth and value so that you can apply your strengths strategically to your goals. But what a lot of people don't realise is that HOW you view your value is of critical importance!

Extrinsic Value is the value you assign to yourself based on external factors or when you believe yourself to be valuable based on something outside of yourself. Some of the common things people with an extrinsic sense of value may be concerned with is needing to be liked by everyone or feeling they need to earn a certain amount of money or look a certain way in order to have value.

Meanwhile, Intrinsic value is the value you apply to yourself internally. 

These concepts have long been around in business and philosophy but have recently been gaining a lot of traction in the fields of Positive Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Personal Development and Well-being in relation to human being's personal values and sense of self-worth. 

Most of the research points to the fact that we develop these senses of value subconsciously in our youth. The Centre of Positive Psychology at Warwick University recently conducted a study on Children's Extrinsic and Intrinsic Value's and the implications on well-being. The full, unpublished manuscript can be read here: http://www.pprc.gg/uploads/intrinsic.pdf

Why is this so important?

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people have been found to allow the way they see their value  to be determined by extrinsic factors such as their financial worth, physical image, relationship status, the way their colleagues, peers or families treat them, what they believe other people think of them and what they see in mainstream media and society. 

Those who judge their self-worth on extrinsic factors are more likely to:

• Try to please and seek validation from others instead of going after their own goals
• Have low self-esteem and compare themselves negatively to others leading to a decrease in their well-being
• Be more vulnerable to conditions such as eating disorders and body dysmorphia
• Tolerate toxic and even abusive relationships
• Internalise negative labels which the brain then reinforces subconsciously
• Have higher levels of chronic anxiety, depression and social anxiety
• Report a lack of satisfaction and fulfilment in their daily lives
• Lack the confidence to take risks and make original contributions in their careers

Those with an Intrinsic sense of self-worth on the other hand have developed a mindset whereby they know the value of their inner self for their own sake and do not require the same level of external validation. People with an intrinsic sense of self-worth have been found to generally:

• Have higher level's of self-belief and take control in their lives
• Be confident in themselves without needing external validation from others
• Be more resilient and have better mental and physical health
• Not internalise what other people think of them
• Report higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in their daily lives
• Know their strengths and where to apply them strategically
• Have higher levels of motivation 
• Be more likely to take risks and contribute original ideas in the workplace
• Make more money (dependant on their chosen field)

While analysing ourselves and our values may take some brutal honesty and self-discovery (admitting how much we really care about other people's opinions or our number of followers on social media may make us feel insecure or silly), it has been shown to be an important part of achieving a self-actualised mentality and success mindset. If we are not honest enough with ourselves in accepting how much extrinsic factors mean to us, it is highly unlikely we will be able to break these habits and cultivate the intrinsic values that we seek.