The Four Pillars of Habit Building Series: Pillar No 4!

Good Morning Everyone,

I hope your Monday morning has been manic-free so far. I don't know about you but I was less than happy this morning when my partner kicked me out of bed as he left for work at 5.30am!

Things brings me onto the subject of our final pillar of habit building, Accountability. If you have been reading through this little mini-series so far then you know that  I have been posting about what I learned from the 4 Pillars of Habit Building that happiness queen, Gretchen Rubin,  identifies in her book: Better Than Before. If you've missed the other posts then you can find them all on the homepage. While they don't need to be read in order, one pillar will not keep a habit (or anything else) standing so I do recommend you check out all four and put them into practice together.

Right then. Accountability. I can hear the groans coming in already. Why is it, I wonder, that we are often so reluctant to tell others we are making a positive change to our lifestyle? My theory is that we have been conditioned to fear criticism and failure, when in fact both our powerful motivational tools. I will give you an example. I have been trying to implement a 5.30 wake up time for a few weeks now and while I still stay in bed too long until about 6am before rising, having my partner get up at 5.30 helps enormously. If he didn't agree to make an effort to wake me like I asked, I would continue to ignore my alarms until 6 or maybe even 6.30 and then wouldn't rise until 6.30 or 7am.

While I think it will take me a while before I naturally become a dawnbird, without this accountability I would have given up long ago, instead I am making progress. Each morning my partner wakes me I go to bed earlier and get closer to my goal.

You don't have to use a person for accountability, though they are in my opinion the most effective as we don't like to tell other people we haven't met their expectations. You could use an app, a diary or something else that fits with your habit.

However, if you do choose a person to hold you accountable, make sure you pick the right person. They need to be self-aware, supportive and compassionate and not make you feel bad on days you have slips. For example, if you are trying to lose weight, having someone close to you demand to know what you ate each day and whether or not you've been to the gym is not only going to not help you or make you feel good about yourself in any sense, it is also a quick path to obsessive and toxic interactions which nobody should have to deal with.

Make sure that whoever or whatever you choose to hold yourself accountable can do it without putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself. We all have slip days, even Gwyneth Paltrow admits to eating chocolate when she is stressed! Forgive yourself, be your own best friend and then try again.

The other thing I found with accountability is that it keeps expectations realistic, this is why people on diets are advised not to weigh themselves everyday but only once a week. If we are our only accountable to ourselves it is easy not only to create endless excuses but also to have unrealistic expectations and give up when they are not reached. Having a person or piece of technology to motivate you and create an identifiable streak of progression is much more likely to help you succeed in whatever it is you want to change.

And that brings us to the end of the Four Pillars of Habits, I hope you enjoyed reading this mini-series as much as I enjoyed writing it. To recap, habit formation succeeds when we have the right Foundation, are consistent in Monitering ourselves, create aids to our brains through Scheduling and have Accountability. 

Let me know in the comments if you found this series useful. I love to hear about your experiences and requests for future posts.

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and productive week and I will see you soon.

The Single Thing My Teacher Told Me That Stuck With Me: WHY YOU SHOULD BE PROUD TO BE CALLED A GEEK

Hello again beautiful people. 

So this week I was talking to an old school friend who was lamenting about all the things that we don't get taught in school. This got me thinking back to when I was a secondary school student and the first thing that came to mind was an assembly that my headteacher led on tackling bullying. 

For me it seemed that the entire assembly was based around one thing that she said:

"Be nice to geeks, you will either become one, or end up working for one"

While the "geek" movement has started to become slightly more fashionable in recent years with technology taking over the World and shows like "The Big Bang Theory" being popular, the reality in schools is that the word still has negative connotations and is more often than not used as a way to put people down. 

If someone has a particular passion or interest, particular one that makes them different, they can be called an "insert field geek". When I was at school I often her terms like "art geek", "book geek", "band geek", "math geek", "science geek" and "computer geek" as well as people applying the general word to people they didn't like, didn't understand or didn't want to associate with. 

The saddest thing was that these terms were often applied to students who were particularly good at something and who loved to learn and get better. They had a focus for a particular interest that brought out a natural sparkle in them. But when this word was applied to them, it reinforced the idea that this thing that made them who they are was somehow undesirable or weird. As a result they hid their talents, they may have even quit. It dulled their sparkle.

As I think back to my school days, I remember several student's who would begin to talk enthusiastically about a certain subject, only to stop themselves midway and apologise for it. Looking back, this makes me angry. We know how crucial social support is to young people's development and confidence and by using this term we lesson that. 

The word geek has been used for years to describe someone who is usually considered different, an outsider or unpopular. It can make them feel that the thing they are passionate about is weird and that no one else will like them for it. Yet as we get older we see some of the most successful individuals are those that have kept their passions and enhanced what makes them different. 

We see a lot of young people who think they have no marketable skills or that do not know how to stand out. Many psychologists believe that the best way to start discovering our passions or purpose is to think back to what made us happy as children. This can often help us discover innate talents that we have long suppressed and forgotten. 

I'm a firm believer that we are all geeks about something, whether we have discovered it yet or not.  As you might have guessed I am a geek about all things to do with psychology and self-improvement. But what if I told you that I was also a humongous  Harry Potter geek and that I love to write Fan-Fiction and spend much of my time at local libraries because I like to read more books than I can afford. Some of you may think that's sad or weird or uninteresting but thats OK because these are the things that make me sparkle and add joy to my life.

The fact is that successful people know their geek-dom, they know what makes them tick and include it in their life in some way, either as a career or a hobby. 

For me, the message in this quote is clear. Don't ever feel like you have to dull down your intelligence or hide what makes you who you are in order to please others or conform to shallow ideas of what is mainstream or popular. Learn what ignites your sense of geek and be proud of it, not only will it make you more resilient and grow your confidence to not change yourself based on what other's think, but that thing you love might just be the thing that drives your happiness and makes you feel successful and fulfilled throughout your life. 

Hold on to your sense of geek, develop it and be proud of it, show off what makes you different, or the chances are you will end up working for someone who does. 

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon. 

15 Ted Talks Everyone Should Watch.

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to talk about one of the best free personal development resources out there: Ted Talks. 

A lot of people often say that they wish they could learn from the experts. Ted X Talks not only highlight to us who the real experts in our fields of interest are, they enable us to learn from their teachings and struggles and introduces us to new concepts that we may not otherwise have access to.

If you don't know what a Ted Talk is then you are missing out. The Ted X Convention is one of the biggest gatherings of inspiring professionals and motivational speakers in the world! The best part?All Ted Talks from the conventions are filmed and available for free on their YouTube channel!

Without further ado, here are my 30 top Ted Talks that I believe everyone should watch and learn from. 

1.  Dan Gilbert -"Why are we happy? Why Arent We Happy?"

The author of "Stumbling On Happiness" discusses the way our brain works and introduces the concept of our "psychological immune system"

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/top10

2.  Elizabeth Gilbert -"Your Exclusive Creative Genius"

"Eat, Pray, Love" author Elizabeth Gilbert discusses the impossible things we expect from the artists and geniuses in the world and shares her radical belief that there is a genius in all of us.It's a funny, personal inspiring and motivating talk.

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius/transcript?language=en

3. Dan Pink -"The Puzzle of Motivation"

Inspiring career analyst Dan Pink talks about the techniques that social scientists have discovered that most of us don't know. He tells a collection of illuminating stories that demonstrate that our traditional rewards system is not as effective as we think. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrkrvAUbU9Y&index=11&list=PL70DEC2B0568B5469

4. Brené Brown - "The Power of Vulnerability"

This talk on our ability as humans to empathise, love and belong is one that everyone needs to see. 

Brené Brown candidly shares the principles she has learned from a career dedicated to studying human connection and her personal quest to understand both herself and humanity. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o&index=10&list=PL70DEC2B0568B5469

5.  Patti Dobrowolski -"Draw Your Future"

Widely recommended as one of the best Ted Talks of all time, this is one that radically changed my views on what I wanted in my future.

 In this video Patti Dobrowski not only tells but actually shows you the practical steps to drawing out a plan for your future. The  nationally acclaimed comic performer, high-performance business consultant, speaker, strategic illustrator and new author has spent much of her time focused on neuroscience and studying how we can use the power of imagination and visual aids to drive change. She works with highly respected coaches and Fortune 500 companies to develop new and creative strategies that help them to capture and clarify their vision. 

6. Kristin Neff -"The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion"

Kristen Neff has devoted over ten years of her research career as an Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture to studying the mental health benefits of self-compassion. In this video she discusses the importance of being your own best friend and treating yourself with the same kindness and care that we provide to others. She also defines the difference between having self-esteem and having self-compassion and how this impacts our well-being. Furthermore she touches on the roots of several of today's issues concerning the self such as the increase in narcissism and bullying. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4&index=2&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

7. Johnathan Fields - "Turning Fear Into Fuel" 

Jonathan Fields is a former private equity attorney turned lifestyle-entrepreneur, blogger, marketer, speaker and author of Career Renegade: How to Make a Great Living Doing What You Love(Broadway 2009).

In this video he provides and excellent explanation and understanding of how fear and anxiety affects us and teaches us how to overcome the paralysis of fear and turn it into a fuel for taking action. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkFRwhJEOos&index=4&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

8. Eduardo Briceno -"The Power of Belief - Mindset and Success"

In this video Bricerno talks about how the way we view and rate our intelligence and skills can deeply impact on our success. It tackles important questions like why the majority of us avoid challenges and give up when things get hard and discusses learning orientated behaviours that can help us to achieve our goals. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN34FNbOKXc&index=6&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

9. Daniel Amen -"Change Your Brain, Change Your Life"

Daniel is an MD and one of the World's foremost experts on brain imaging and how our brains work. He is well known for tacking complex concepts in brain science and explaining them in a way that is accessible and easy to understand for the rest of us. He has written 42 articles and 28 books on how having an understanding of the brain can help us live a healthier and happier life and shares these revelations in his talk. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLKj1puoWCg&index=8&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

10. Scott Geller - "The Psychology of Self-Motivation"

Geller is a highly decorated psychologist who has published numerous articles on his research behind The Psychology of Motivation. In this talk he gives practical and accessible advice on how we too can become more self-motivated. 

11.  Dr Ivan Joseph - "The Skill of Self-Confidence" 

As an Athletic Director and Recruiter, Dr Joseph works with leading young athletes for whom self-confidence is a necessity. In this talk he discusses simple questions based on leading research into the concept of self-efficacy and how asking ourselves these questions can make us feel empowered and confident. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs&list=PLyh3ahjxzUJmzsAt-HhaWaYDUtH-SdFPG&index=6

12. Peter Sage - "Stop Waiting For Life To Happen"

Peter Sage is a leading success coach that helps companies all over the World and also served as the Chairman of the London YES Group (The largest personal development organisation In the World!) He shares his driving secrets behind successful entrepreneurship and how they can be applied to any aspect of our lives. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs&list=PLyh3ahjxzUJmzsAt-HhaWaYDUtH-SdFPG&index=6

13. Brian Little - "Who Are You Really? The Puzzle of Personality" 

Most psychologists like to talk about our personality traits as if they are set. In this video Brian Little explains why there is so much more to our personality than being an introvert or an extrovert. He also explains how our traits are far more malleable than we believe and introduces the concept of transcending our traits in order to achieve more. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYvXk_bqlBk


14. Robert Waldinger - "What Makes A Good Life: Lessons From The Longest Study Of Happiness"

Waldinger has conducted the longest ever study on human life and happiness spanning seventy-five years and multiple generations with the help of continuously passionate researchers. 
In this video he shares what each of his participants thought made them happy and how these changed over time as they continued to experience life. 
In his talk he shares the secrets on what makes us happiest and healthiest in our lives and the answers may surprise you. 

15. Caroline McHugh "The Art of Being Yourself"

In this talk McHugh gives insights on how we develop from children and generally lose our real selves as we become more self-conscious and look at ourselves through the lenses of mainstream society. She provides important insights into the psychological developments of our ego and how learning to be authentic can provide the much needed balance between those of us who have a superiority complex and feelings of inferiority. 


I hope you enjoy these talks and are able to take away the life lessons they give. 

The Top Ten Personal Development Girl-Boss's That You Should Be Following

There are so many personal development websites and blogs out there on the internet. So how do you know which ones are genuinely useful and worth your time?

Here my picks of the Top Ten Personal Development Queens that you should be following right now.

Disclaimer: None of these inclusions are sponsored in any way by the listed individuals. These are my own choices of people that I have found to provide excellent content and value.

1. Niyc Pidgeon

If you haven't heard of this absolute queen then you are in for a treat. With a Bachelors in Psychology,  a Learning and Teaching Certificate and MSc in Positive Psychology under her belt, there are few people more qualified  and inspiring than Niyc. 

Oh and Did I mention that she is a Global Success Coach and Hay House Author running and international seven-figure business coaching female entrepreneurs? And she achieved all of this before turning 30! She has an impressive following on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and provides some amazing free content on her site. You can find information on this as well as the launch of her upcoming book "Now Is Your Chance" on her website at www.niycpidgeon.com

2. Natalie Diver

Often described as "The Queen of Instagram" Natalie Diver has achieved an exceptional amount and is still only in her mid-twenties! She created the Health Business "Oh My Glow" straight out of University and has since built "BossBabe.Inc" and "The Boss Babe Academy" touted as the number one personal development resource for millennial women. While certain features such as the Facebook Support Group and some content are exclusive to paid subscribers, Natalie gives away a large amount of valuable free content through her email list, freebie offers and live streams. 

3. Arianna Huffington

Hopefully you have all heard of this amazing woman. She is somewhat of a force of nature in the business and personal development circles. She created the hugely successful Huffington Post and has recently devoted herself to  her incredible personal development mission: Thrive Global. The site has amazing free content to help you grow, check it out at https://www.thriveglobal.com/, also follow her on Twitter, LinkedIn, everything you can!

4. Mel Robbins

If Mel Robbins is not on your list then you are missing out. The American TV Presenter has appeared at Multiple TED X conventions and is a hugely successful life coach, motivational speaker and best-selling author in the Personal Development space. Follow her on Twitter and Linked in and read her incredibly original and insightful books: "The 5 Second Rule and "Stop Saying You're Fine"for some truly transforming lessons. 

5.  Lori Deschene

Lori is the creator of the hugely successful personal development site www.tinybuddah.com. While much of her content is based on the teachings of Buddhism she has managed to stay relevant to people from all walks of life and has an impressive and loyal following. Among the things she discusses on her site are Inspiration, Relationships, Life Lessons and Mindfulness. She is also the creator of the "Recreate Your Life" e-course. 

6. Penelope Trunk

Penelope Trunks is hugely popular author and blogger who is known for her brutally honest articles and unique writing style and voice. With articles such as "What could you learn from time-management by hating someone" she focuses mainly on the intersection of work and home life and provides some truly unique and entertaining insights. 

7. Danielle LaPorte

The author of The Fire Starter series and co-creator of "Your Big Beautiful Book Plan" is known for her sight full of inspirational quotes and self-discovery content. However she has a rare relatability in her writing voice despite being hugely successful. Her articles are honest, applicable, relevant and to the point. 

8. Erin Falconer

Erin Falconer runs the very successful personal development site ww.pickthebrain.com in conjunction with BoyBoss John Wesley. The site covers a huge variety of themes across the personal development genre but the most common are productivity, motivation, self-improvement, education and health. 

9. Therese Schwenkler 

By the time you have finished reading Schwenkler's articles you will probably feel like they were written by your best friend. Her site, theunlost.com. She is refreshingly honest and rebellious in her writing, with articles such as "Why is my crush such a douchebag?". She is particularly popular with millennials and focuses her site on dealing with "the suckiness of relationships" and finding a career you love. This is a woman who knows how to provide valuable content to her audience in an entertaining and refreshing way. 

10. Rebecca Fraser-Thrill

Last but not lease the last spot goes to the woman behind workingself.com. Like many of the woman in this list much of her content is focused on finding fulfilling work, however she also bases many of her articles on psychology. The result is an interesting blend of personal development and practical, actionable advice. 


Of course there are many other inspiring women who could have made this list and ten is not an extensive collection. However I have focused my picks on the content that I found to be the most positive, practical and authentically written. 

If you are a personal development blogger and would like to be featured on one of these posts then feel free to submit a sample of your writing or a link to your site to positivesparkles@gmail.com

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and positive week and I will see you soon!

How Gratitude Will Improve Your Mindset For Change + 10 Exercises To Get You Started

Hello beautiful people!

Today I want to talk about a very simple concept but one that the majority of us forget to invoke in our day-to-day lives. If, like me, you are a personal development junkie then you have probably heard about the growing trend in gratitude journaling. 

So What Is Gratitude Journaling?

A gratitude journal is a free and easy way to improve your mindset and give yourself a perspective overhaul. You don't need to go out and buy a fancy journal to do so, you can do this in any notebook, smartphone or even on scrap paper. It is also something I find invaluable to take stock of before I begin any change in my habits.

The concept is simple. Take ten to fifteen minutes a day to think about the things in life you are grateful for. You may choose to note down anything from important relationships to the sun shining that day (or whatever weather makes you happy!). 

Gratitude journalling reminds us that even though we may have sources of stress or struggles going on in our daily lives (If you say you don't you are either a liar or a superhero and I need some of that power!). Furthermore, gratitude is one of the habits practised by some of the most successful people in the world including:

• Oprah Winfrey
• Tim Ferris
• Richard Branson
• and
• Paul DeJoria

It is also proven to:

• Make you physically and mentally healthier by decreasing levels of cortisol (the stress hormone)
• Improve Happiness
• Improve your relationships and social skills by increasing your empathy towards others
• Give you greater sleep quality
• Raise self-esteem
• Increase mental strength and resilience
• Reduce feelings of anger and aggression
• Give you Motivation to change

And the best part is ANYONE can do it,starting right now!

So now that we've established how gratitude can help you live a better life, here are some exercises to get you started from the serious to the downright silly, we have many aspects of life to be grateful for?

1.  What relationships do you have in your life that you are grateful for and how do these people add to your life?

2. What opportunities have you had that other's in the world would not have access to? Why are you grateful for these and how have they improved your life?

3. What parts of your job/work environment are you grateful for? Even if you're not a fan of your daily grind right now, you can still be grateful for good relationships with colleagues, development opportunities or flexibility, it might even be something as simple as having an inside office when it rains!

4. What part of your morning routine are you grateful for? Do you have a significant other to kiss goodbye as you leave for work? Maybe you have time to walk your dog or have a cup of tea in peace and cuddles with your children or pets before your day begins?

5. Think of someone who has done something to make your life easier or improve your day recently? How could you thank them?

6. What hobbies or pleasures do you have in your life? Why are you grateful to have the time to pursue them?

7. What elements of nature are you grateful for? Maybe you're like me and the warm glow of sunshine gets you out of bed in the morning? Or maybe you find the sound of rain or the site of snow relaxing?

8. What materialistic items could you not live with out? Why are you grateful to have them in your life?

9. What songs/ books/ podcasts/ movies or you-tube videos make you feel good? Think about why you are grateful to the people behind them.

10. What daily essentials are you grateful to have in your life? For example in the UK we have ample sources of food and water and free healthcare when we need it, this is not the case in many parts of the world. 

So there you have it, ten exercises to hopefully get you started on exercising those gratitude muscles. I hope you have a happy, healthy and productive week and I'll see you soon!