The Four Pillars of Habit Building Series: Pillar No 4!

Good Morning Everyone,

I hope your Monday morning has been manic-free so far. I don't know about you but I was less than happy this morning when my partner kicked me out of bed as he left for work at 5.30am!

Things brings me onto the subject of our final pillar of habit building, Accountability. If you have been reading through this little mini-series so far then you know that  I have been posting about what I learned from the 4 Pillars of Habit Building that happiness queen, Gretchen Rubin,  identifies in her book: Better Than Before. If you've missed the other posts then you can find them all on the homepage. While they don't need to be read in order, one pillar will not keep a habit (or anything else) standing so I do recommend you check out all four and put them into practice together.

Right then. Accountability. I can hear the groans coming in already. Why is it, I wonder, that we are often so reluctant to tell others we are making a positive change to our lifestyle? My theory is that we have been conditioned to fear criticism and failure, when in fact both our powerful motivational tools. I will give you an example. I have been trying to implement a 5.30 wake up time for a few weeks now and while I still stay in bed too long until about 6am before rising, having my partner get up at 5.30 helps enormously. If he didn't agree to make an effort to wake me like I asked, I would continue to ignore my alarms until 6 or maybe even 6.30 and then wouldn't rise until 6.30 or 7am.

While I think it will take me a while before I naturally become a dawnbird, without this accountability I would have given up long ago, instead I am making progress. Each morning my partner wakes me I go to bed earlier and get closer to my goal.

You don't have to use a person for accountability, though they are in my opinion the most effective as we don't like to tell other people we haven't met their expectations. You could use an app, a diary or something else that fits with your habit.

However, if you do choose a person to hold you accountable, make sure you pick the right person. They need to be self-aware, supportive and compassionate and not make you feel bad on days you have slips. For example, if you are trying to lose weight, having someone close to you demand to know what you ate each day and whether or not you've been to the gym is not only going to not help you or make you feel good about yourself in any sense, it is also a quick path to obsessive and toxic interactions which nobody should have to deal with.

Make sure that whoever or whatever you choose to hold yourself accountable can do it without putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself. We all have slip days, even Gwyneth Paltrow admits to eating chocolate when she is stressed! Forgive yourself, be your own best friend and then try again.

The other thing I found with accountability is that it keeps expectations realistic, this is why people on diets are advised not to weigh themselves everyday but only once a week. If we are our only accountable to ourselves it is easy not only to create endless excuses but also to have unrealistic expectations and give up when they are not reached. Having a person or piece of technology to motivate you and create an identifiable streak of progression is much more likely to help you succeed in whatever it is you want to change.

And that brings us to the end of the Four Pillars of Habits, I hope you enjoyed reading this mini-series as much as I enjoyed writing it. To recap, habit formation succeeds when we have the right Foundation, are consistent in Monitering ourselves, create aids to our brains through Scheduling and have Accountability. 

Let me know in the comments if you found this series useful. I love to hear about your experiences and requests for future posts.

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and productive week and I will see you soon.

15 Ted Talks Everyone Should Watch.

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to talk about one of the best free personal development resources out there: Ted Talks. 

A lot of people often say that they wish they could learn from the experts. Ted X Talks not only highlight to us who the real experts in our fields of interest are, they enable us to learn from their teachings and struggles and introduces us to new concepts that we may not otherwise have access to.

If you don't know what a Ted Talk is then you are missing out. The Ted X Convention is one of the biggest gatherings of inspiring professionals and motivational speakers in the world! The best part?All Ted Talks from the conventions are filmed and available for free on their YouTube channel!

Without further ado, here are my 30 top Ted Talks that I believe everyone should watch and learn from. 

1.  Dan Gilbert -"Why are we happy? Why Arent We Happy?"

The author of "Stumbling On Happiness" discusses the way our brain works and introduces the concept of our "psychological immune system"

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/top10

2.  Elizabeth Gilbert -"Your Exclusive Creative Genius"

"Eat, Pray, Love" author Elizabeth Gilbert discusses the impossible things we expect from the artists and geniuses in the world and shares her radical belief that there is a genius in all of us.It's a funny, personal inspiring and motivating talk.

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius/transcript?language=en

3. Dan Pink -"The Puzzle of Motivation"

Inspiring career analyst Dan Pink talks about the techniques that social scientists have discovered that most of us don't know. He tells a collection of illuminating stories that demonstrate that our traditional rewards system is not as effective as we think. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrkrvAUbU9Y&index=11&list=PL70DEC2B0568B5469

4. Brené Brown - "The Power of Vulnerability"

This talk on our ability as humans to empathise, love and belong is one that everyone needs to see. 

Brené Brown candidly shares the principles she has learned from a career dedicated to studying human connection and her personal quest to understand both herself and humanity. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o&index=10&list=PL70DEC2B0568B5469

5.  Patti Dobrowolski -"Draw Your Future"

Widely recommended as one of the best Ted Talks of all time, this is one that radically changed my views on what I wanted in my future.

 In this video Patti Dobrowski not only tells but actually shows you the practical steps to drawing out a plan for your future. The  nationally acclaimed comic performer, high-performance business consultant, speaker, strategic illustrator and new author has spent much of her time focused on neuroscience and studying how we can use the power of imagination and visual aids to drive change. She works with highly respected coaches and Fortune 500 companies to develop new and creative strategies that help them to capture and clarify their vision. 

6. Kristin Neff -"The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion"

Kristen Neff has devoted over ten years of her research career as an Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture to studying the mental health benefits of self-compassion. In this video she discusses the importance of being your own best friend and treating yourself with the same kindness and care that we provide to others. She also defines the difference between having self-esteem and having self-compassion and how this impacts our well-being. Furthermore she touches on the roots of several of today's issues concerning the self such as the increase in narcissism and bullying. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4&index=2&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

7. Johnathan Fields - "Turning Fear Into Fuel" 

Jonathan Fields is a former private equity attorney turned lifestyle-entrepreneur, blogger, marketer, speaker and author of Career Renegade: How to Make a Great Living Doing What You Love(Broadway 2009).

In this video he provides and excellent explanation and understanding of how fear and anxiety affects us and teaches us how to overcome the paralysis of fear and turn it into a fuel for taking action. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkFRwhJEOos&index=4&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

8. Eduardo Briceno -"The Power of Belief - Mindset and Success"

In this video Bricerno talks about how the way we view and rate our intelligence and skills can deeply impact on our success. It tackles important questions like why the majority of us avoid challenges and give up when things get hard and discusses learning orientated behaviours that can help us to achieve our goals. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN34FNbOKXc&index=6&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

9. Daniel Amen -"Change Your Brain, Change Your Life"

Daniel is an MD and one of the World's foremost experts on brain imaging and how our brains work. He is well known for tacking complex concepts in brain science and explaining them in a way that is accessible and easy to understand for the rest of us. He has written 42 articles and 28 books on how having an understanding of the brain can help us live a healthier and happier life and shares these revelations in his talk. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLKj1puoWCg&index=8&list=PLcQO1xV4Jap673UR0CPYEyWX8MaKE9Rsl

10. Scott Geller - "The Psychology of Self-Motivation"

Geller is a highly decorated psychologist who has published numerous articles on his research behind The Psychology of Motivation. In this talk he gives practical and accessible advice on how we too can become more self-motivated. 

11.  Dr Ivan Joseph - "The Skill of Self-Confidence" 

As an Athletic Director and Recruiter, Dr Joseph works with leading young athletes for whom self-confidence is a necessity. In this talk he discusses simple questions based on leading research into the concept of self-efficacy and how asking ourselves these questions can make us feel empowered and confident. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs&list=PLyh3ahjxzUJmzsAt-HhaWaYDUtH-SdFPG&index=6

12. Peter Sage - "Stop Waiting For Life To Happen"

Peter Sage is a leading success coach that helps companies all over the World and also served as the Chairman of the London YES Group (The largest personal development organisation In the World!) He shares his driving secrets behind successful entrepreneurship and how they can be applied to any aspect of our lives. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs&list=PLyh3ahjxzUJmzsAt-HhaWaYDUtH-SdFPG&index=6

13. Brian Little - "Who Are You Really? The Puzzle of Personality" 

Most psychologists like to talk about our personality traits as if they are set. In this video Brian Little explains why there is so much more to our personality than being an introvert or an extrovert. He also explains how our traits are far more malleable than we believe and introduces the concept of transcending our traits in order to achieve more. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYvXk_bqlBk


14. Robert Waldinger - "What Makes A Good Life: Lessons From The Longest Study Of Happiness"

Waldinger has conducted the longest ever study on human life and happiness spanning seventy-five years and multiple generations with the help of continuously passionate researchers. 
In this video he shares what each of his participants thought made them happy and how these changed over time as they continued to experience life. 
In his talk he shares the secrets on what makes us happiest and healthiest in our lives and the answers may surprise you. 

15. Caroline McHugh "The Art of Being Yourself"

In this talk McHugh gives insights on how we develop from children and generally lose our real selves as we become more self-conscious and look at ourselves through the lenses of mainstream society. She provides important insights into the psychological developments of our ego and how learning to be authentic can provide the much needed balance between those of us who have a superiority complex and feelings of inferiority. 


I hope you enjoy these talks and are able to take away the life lessons they give. 

The Kings of Personal Development that You Need To Follow Now!

Good morning beautiful people!

Yesterday I wrote a post on The Top Ten Personal Development Girl-Bosses That You Should Be Following. If you haven't seen it yet you can find it here. In the interest of gender fairness, today I have decided to honour my our male friends who are absolutely slaying the personal development space. 

All of these are blogs that I have personally read and learned a huge amount from. They are my objective opinions and are not sponsored in any way. 

1. Tony Robbins

While most of you have probably already heard of Tony (if you haven't then you should go to www.tonyrobbins.com immediately!), he still deserves to be included on this list. He has absolutely dominated the Personal Development space in recent years and for good reason. Most of his content is focused on developing business and financial freedom with multiple best-selling books such as "UNSHAKABLE: Your Financial Freedom Playbook" (2017), "MONEY: Master The Game: 7 Steps To Financial Freedom (2014) "Unleash The Power Within: The Complete Guide To Self-Empowerment (1999) and "Awaken The Giant Within: Take Control of Your Mental, Emotional and Financial Destiny (1991). He is also one of the most recognised thought leaders and LinkedIn Influencers and provides amazing free content on LinkedIn and on his site (see above link). If you want practical steps that are simple (but not easy!) to implement. Tony is your guy. 

2. James Altucher

Another man you may have heard of as he too is enjoying a reign as one of the top thought leaders and influencers in his field. James is all about reinventing yourself and is the author of the best-sellers "Choose Yourself: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live The Dream" (2013) and "The Power of NO: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance and Happiness" (2014) and "The Power of Ask: Ask for What You Want, Get What You Want" (2016), which he co-authored with his wife Claudia Azula Altucher. He as also turned a blog with 300,000+ visitors per month into a quirky and successful comic book series: "The Altucher Confidential: Ideas For A World Out of Balance". 

3. Tim Ferris

Tim is all about using self-development, heath and experimentation to achieve your goals and live a life of freedom.

 He is the creator of the best selling productivity book series "The Four Hour Work Week"(2007), "The Four Hour Body" (2010) and "The Four Hour Chef"(2012)as well as "Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines and Habits of Billionaires, Icons and World Class Performers" (2016). 

You will find his blog (https://tim.blog/) to be a fantastic resource on productivity and lifestyle design. 

He has also created his own hugely popular personal development podcast:"The Tim Ferris Show".

4. Leo Babauta

Leo is the creator of http://zenhabits.net. On his blog he shares tactical and strategic advice for living a

 simplified, mindful and productive life. He also shares his own inspiring story of how de-cluttering and changing

 his habits transformed his life and helped him find meaning. This led to him writing several successful books

 including: "The Power Of Less: 6 Essential Productivity Habits That Will Change Your Life" (2008) ,

 "Essential Zen Habits: Mastering The Art of Change" (2015)"The Simple Guide To a Minimalist Life" (2009)

 "The Effortless Life: A Concise Manual for Contentment, Mindfulness and Flow" (2012" and "The Little Guide

 To Unprocrastination" (2012). 

5. Ramit Sehi

Ramit is the creator of www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com and has created an entire movement based on knowing your 

worth and developing your earning potential. His website has several free downloadable guides that I myself have

found incredibly useful. The most staggering thing about Ramit? Despite being a global success, he gives away a 

staggering 90% of his content for free on his website and through his email list.

6. Steven Handel

Steven's blog: www.theemotionmachine.com/ continues to be one of my personal favourites. With much of his content 

based on proven psychology he provides amazing content on self-improvement. With popular articles such as "Do you 

need someone to call out your bullshit?" he has a refreshingly honest and authentic writing style that makes his articles

both incredibly useful and entertaining. You won't regret reading!

7. John Wesley

Co-author of www.pickthebrain.com , this site is all about growing yourself, finding the motivation to invoke positive habits 

and change and ultimately achieve your self-improvement goals. 

8. Joshua Becker

Becker has helped to create an entire movement with his site www.becomingminimalist.com. He provides regular,

high quality content on simplifying your life through minimalist habits and how it can make you happier and more 

productive. 

9. Mark Manson

Manson describes himself as an " Author, Thinker and Life Enthusiast". He has turned his blog

 https://markmanson.net/into a successful business and recently made waves all over the world with his most recent book: "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**ck!" which has been endorsed by hugely successful thought leaders and influencers such as Mel Robbins who gave an entire Ted X talk on what she learned from the powerful book.

10. Eric Barker

Finally Eric Barker, the creator of "Bakadesuyo" is a recently discovered favourite of mine. Ironically the name of his blog translates to "I am an idiot" in Japanese, but don't let that fool you. Eric is the author of the recently mega-successful personal development book "Barking Up The Wrong Tree: The Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success is (Mostly) Wrong" (2017). His blog provides science based articles on how to improve your life in every area from personal relationships to career advice. 

When some of the most influential people in the world were asked by Forbes what the most important habit to achieve success was, almost every single one of them said that it was to read a book (or a blog) everyday and never stop learning. Hopefully this list has given you some places to start. 

Let me know in the comments if you found this list helpful, or share your own favourite sites if they weren't listed.

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon!

The Crucial Difference Between Your Extrinsic and Intrinsic Value and Why It's So Important

Hello everyone. 

This post is about a concept that seriously changed not only the way I viewed the world but also myself. 

You may not have heard the words Extrinsic or Intrinsic before and thats fine, I hadn't either until recently. Both are terms often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (A form of psychological talking therapy) and Positive Psychology (also sometimes called the psychology of happiness or well-being psychology). 

So what does all this mean?

Well, I talk a lot about the importance of knowing your worth and value so that you can apply your strengths strategically to your goals. But what a lot of people don't realise is that HOW you view your value is of critical importance!

Extrinsic Value is the value you assign to yourself based on external factors or when you believe yourself to be valuable based on something outside of yourself. Some of the common things people with an extrinsic sense of value may be concerned with is needing to be liked by everyone or feeling they need to earn a certain amount of money or look a certain way in order to have value.

Meanwhile, Intrinsic value is the value you apply to yourself internally. 

These concepts have long been around in business and philosophy but have recently been gaining a lot of traction in the fields of Positive Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Personal Development and Well-being in relation to human being's personal values and sense of self-worth. 

Most of the research points to the fact that we develop these senses of value subconsciously in our youth. The Centre of Positive Psychology at Warwick University recently conducted a study on Children's Extrinsic and Intrinsic Value's and the implications on well-being. The full, unpublished manuscript can be read here: http://www.pprc.gg/uploads/intrinsic.pdf

Why is this so important?

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people have been found to allow the way they see their value  to be determined by extrinsic factors such as their financial worth, physical image, relationship status, the way their colleagues, peers or families treat them, what they believe other people think of them and what they see in mainstream media and society. 

Those who judge their self-worth on extrinsic factors are more likely to:

• Try to please and seek validation from others instead of going after their own goals
• Have low self-esteem and compare themselves negatively to others leading to a decrease in their well-being
• Be more vulnerable to conditions such as eating disorders and body dysmorphia
• Tolerate toxic and even abusive relationships
• Internalise negative labels which the brain then reinforces subconsciously
• Have higher levels of chronic anxiety, depression and social anxiety
• Report a lack of satisfaction and fulfilment in their daily lives
• Lack the confidence to take risks and make original contributions in their careers

Those with an Intrinsic sense of self-worth on the other hand have developed a mindset whereby they know the value of their inner self for their own sake and do not require the same level of external validation. People with an intrinsic sense of self-worth have been found to generally:

• Have higher level's of self-belief and take control in their lives
• Be confident in themselves without needing external validation from others
• Be more resilient and have better mental and physical health
• Not internalise what other people think of them
• Report higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in their daily lives
• Know their strengths and where to apply them strategically
• Have higher levels of motivation 
• Be more likely to take risks and contribute original ideas in the workplace
• Make more money (dependant on their chosen field)

While analysing ourselves and our values may take some brutal honesty and self-discovery (admitting how much we really care about other people's opinions or our number of followers on social media may make us feel insecure or silly), it has been shown to be an important part of achieving a self-actualised mentality and success mindset. If we are not honest enough with ourselves in accepting how much extrinsic factors mean to us, it is highly unlikely we will be able to break these habits and cultivate the intrinsic values that we seek.