The Single Thing My Teacher Told Me That Stuck With Me: WHY YOU SHOULD BE PROUD TO BE CALLED A GEEK

Hello again beautiful people. 

So this week I was talking to an old school friend who was lamenting about all the things that we don't get taught in school. This got me thinking back to when I was a secondary school student and the first thing that came to mind was an assembly that my headteacher led on tackling bullying. 

For me it seemed that the entire assembly was based around one thing that she said:

"Be nice to geeks, you will either become one, or end up working for one"

While the "geek" movement has started to become slightly more fashionable in recent years with technology taking over the World and shows like "The Big Bang Theory" being popular, the reality in schools is that the word still has negative connotations and is more often than not used as a way to put people down. 

If someone has a particular passion or interest, particular one that makes them different, they can be called an "insert field geek". When I was at school I often her terms like "art geek", "book geek", "band geek", "math geek", "science geek" and "computer geek" as well as people applying the general word to people they didn't like, didn't understand or didn't want to associate with. 

The saddest thing was that these terms were often applied to students who were particularly good at something and who loved to learn and get better. They had a focus for a particular interest that brought out a natural sparkle in them. But when this word was applied to them, it reinforced the idea that this thing that made them who they are was somehow undesirable or weird. As a result they hid their talents, they may have even quit. It dulled their sparkle.

As I think back to my school days, I remember several student's who would begin to talk enthusiastically about a certain subject, only to stop themselves midway and apologise for it. Looking back, this makes me angry. We know how crucial social support is to young people's development and confidence and by using this term we lesson that. 

The word geek has been used for years to describe someone who is usually considered different, an outsider or unpopular. It can make them feel that the thing they are passionate about is weird and that no one else will like them for it. Yet as we get older we see some of the most successful individuals are those that have kept their passions and enhanced what makes them different. 

We see a lot of young people who think they have no marketable skills or that do not know how to stand out. Many psychologists believe that the best way to start discovering our passions or purpose is to think back to what made us happy as children. This can often help us discover innate talents that we have long suppressed and forgotten. 

I'm a firm believer that we are all geeks about something, whether we have discovered it yet or not.  As you might have guessed I am a geek about all things to do with psychology and self-improvement. But what if I told you that I was also a humongous  Harry Potter geek and that I love to write Fan-Fiction and spend much of my time at local libraries because I like to read more books than I can afford. Some of you may think that's sad or weird or uninteresting but thats OK because these are the things that make me sparkle and add joy to my life.

The fact is that successful people know their geek-dom, they know what makes them tick and include it in their life in some way, either as a career or a hobby. 

For me, the message in this quote is clear. Don't ever feel like you have to dull down your intelligence or hide what makes you who you are in order to please others or conform to shallow ideas of what is mainstream or popular. Learn what ignites your sense of geek and be proud of it, not only will it make you more resilient and grow your confidence to not change yourself based on what other's think, but that thing you love might just be the thing that drives your happiness and makes you feel successful and fulfilled throughout your life. 

Hold on to your sense of geek, develop it and be proud of it, show off what makes you different, or the chances are you will end up working for someone who does. 

I hope you all have a happy, healthy and productive day and I will see you soon. 

The Top Ten Personal Development Girl-Boss's That You Should Be Following

There are so many personal development websites and blogs out there on the internet. So how do you know which ones are genuinely useful and worth your time?

Here my picks of the Top Ten Personal Development Queens that you should be following right now.

Disclaimer: None of these inclusions are sponsored in any way by the listed individuals. These are my own choices of people that I have found to provide excellent content and value.

1. Niyc Pidgeon

If you haven't heard of this absolute queen then you are in for a treat. With a Bachelors in Psychology,  a Learning and Teaching Certificate and MSc in Positive Psychology under her belt, there are few people more qualified  and inspiring than Niyc. 

Oh and Did I mention that she is a Global Success Coach and Hay House Author running and international seven-figure business coaching female entrepreneurs? And she achieved all of this before turning 30! She has an impressive following on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and provides some amazing free content on her site. You can find information on this as well as the launch of her upcoming book "Now Is Your Chance" on her website at www.niycpidgeon.com

2. Natalie Diver

Often described as "The Queen of Instagram" Natalie Diver has achieved an exceptional amount and is still only in her mid-twenties! She created the Health Business "Oh My Glow" straight out of University and has since built "BossBabe.Inc" and "The Boss Babe Academy" touted as the number one personal development resource for millennial women. While certain features such as the Facebook Support Group and some content are exclusive to paid subscribers, Natalie gives away a large amount of valuable free content through her email list, freebie offers and live streams. 

3. Arianna Huffington

Hopefully you have all heard of this amazing woman. She is somewhat of a force of nature in the business and personal development circles. She created the hugely successful Huffington Post and has recently devoted herself to  her incredible personal development mission: Thrive Global. The site has amazing free content to help you grow, check it out at https://www.thriveglobal.com/, also follow her on Twitter, LinkedIn, everything you can!

4. Mel Robbins

If Mel Robbins is not on your list then you are missing out. The American TV Presenter has appeared at Multiple TED X conventions and is a hugely successful life coach, motivational speaker and best-selling author in the Personal Development space. Follow her on Twitter and Linked in and read her incredibly original and insightful books: "The 5 Second Rule and "Stop Saying You're Fine"for some truly transforming lessons. 

5.  Lori Deschene

Lori is the creator of the hugely successful personal development site www.tinybuddah.com. While much of her content is based on the teachings of Buddhism she has managed to stay relevant to people from all walks of life and has an impressive and loyal following. Among the things she discusses on her site are Inspiration, Relationships, Life Lessons and Mindfulness. She is also the creator of the "Recreate Your Life" e-course. 

6. Penelope Trunk

Penelope Trunks is hugely popular author and blogger who is known for her brutally honest articles and unique writing style and voice. With articles such as "What could you learn from time-management by hating someone" she focuses mainly on the intersection of work and home life and provides some truly unique and entertaining insights. 

7. Danielle LaPorte

The author of The Fire Starter series and co-creator of "Your Big Beautiful Book Plan" is known for her sight full of inspirational quotes and self-discovery content. However she has a rare relatability in her writing voice despite being hugely successful. Her articles are honest, applicable, relevant and to the point. 

8. Erin Falconer

Erin Falconer runs the very successful personal development site ww.pickthebrain.com in conjunction with BoyBoss John Wesley. The site covers a huge variety of themes across the personal development genre but the most common are productivity, motivation, self-improvement, education and health. 

9. Therese Schwenkler 

By the time you have finished reading Schwenkler's articles you will probably feel like they were written by your best friend. Her site, theunlost.com. She is refreshingly honest and rebellious in her writing, with articles such as "Why is my crush such a douchebag?". She is particularly popular with millennials and focuses her site on dealing with "the suckiness of relationships" and finding a career you love. This is a woman who knows how to provide valuable content to her audience in an entertaining and refreshing way. 

10. Rebecca Fraser-Thrill

Last but not lease the last spot goes to the woman behind workingself.com. Like many of the woman in this list much of her content is focused on finding fulfilling work, however she also bases many of her articles on psychology. The result is an interesting blend of personal development and practical, actionable advice. 


Of course there are many other inspiring women who could have made this list and ten is not an extensive collection. However I have focused my picks on the content that I found to be the most positive, practical and authentically written. 

If you are a personal development blogger and would like to be featured on one of these posts then feel free to submit a sample of your writing or a link to your site to positivesparkles@gmail.com

As always I hope you have a happy, healthy and positive week and I will see you soon!

The Crucial Difference Between Your Extrinsic and Intrinsic Value and Why It's So Important

Hello everyone. 

This post is about a concept that seriously changed not only the way I viewed the world but also myself. 

You may not have heard the words Extrinsic or Intrinsic before and thats fine, I hadn't either until recently. Both are terms often used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (A form of psychological talking therapy) and Positive Psychology (also sometimes called the psychology of happiness or well-being psychology). 

So what does all this mean?

Well, I talk a lot about the importance of knowing your worth and value so that you can apply your strengths strategically to your goals. But what a lot of people don't realise is that HOW you view your value is of critical importance!

Extrinsic Value is the value you assign to yourself based on external factors or when you believe yourself to be valuable based on something outside of yourself. Some of the common things people with an extrinsic sense of value may be concerned with is needing to be liked by everyone or feeling they need to earn a certain amount of money or look a certain way in order to have value.

Meanwhile, Intrinsic value is the value you apply to yourself internally. 

These concepts have long been around in business and philosophy but have recently been gaining a lot of traction in the fields of Positive Psychology, Developmental Psychology and Personal Development and Well-being in relation to human being's personal values and sense of self-worth. 

Most of the research points to the fact that we develop these senses of value subconsciously in our youth. The Centre of Positive Psychology at Warwick University recently conducted a study on Children's Extrinsic and Intrinsic Value's and the implications on well-being. The full, unpublished manuscript can be read here: http://www.pprc.gg/uploads/intrinsic.pdf

Why is this so important?

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people have been found to allow the way they see their value  to be determined by extrinsic factors such as their financial worth, physical image, relationship status, the way their colleagues, peers or families treat them, what they believe other people think of them and what they see in mainstream media and society. 

Those who judge their self-worth on extrinsic factors are more likely to:

• Try to please and seek validation from others instead of going after their own goals
• Have low self-esteem and compare themselves negatively to others leading to a decrease in their well-being
• Be more vulnerable to conditions such as eating disorders and body dysmorphia
• Tolerate toxic and even abusive relationships
• Internalise negative labels which the brain then reinforces subconsciously
• Have higher levels of chronic anxiety, depression and social anxiety
• Report a lack of satisfaction and fulfilment in their daily lives
• Lack the confidence to take risks and make original contributions in their careers

Those with an Intrinsic sense of self-worth on the other hand have developed a mindset whereby they know the value of their inner self for their own sake and do not require the same level of external validation. People with an intrinsic sense of self-worth have been found to generally:

• Have higher level's of self-belief and take control in their lives
• Be confident in themselves without needing external validation from others
• Be more resilient and have better mental and physical health
• Not internalise what other people think of them
• Report higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in their daily lives
• Know their strengths and where to apply them strategically
• Have higher levels of motivation 
• Be more likely to take risks and contribute original ideas in the workplace
• Make more money (dependant on their chosen field)

While analysing ourselves and our values may take some brutal honesty and self-discovery (admitting how much we really care about other people's opinions or our number of followers on social media may make us feel insecure or silly), it has been shown to be an important part of achieving a self-actualised mentality and success mindset. If we are not honest enough with ourselves in accepting how much extrinsic factors mean to us, it is highly unlikely we will be able to break these habits and cultivate the intrinsic values that we seek.